Middle Age Hollywood

TINA GONE WILD
A Hard Night with the World's Funniest Woman

+ The best doughnut? That's Peter Pan doughnuts in Brooklyn. It's a Polish bakery. We shot nearby once for 30 Rock. It's a white-cream-filled powdered doughnut. And I really believe, when I first tried it, if I had a penis, I would put it in this doughnut. I finally understand what you guys are thinking about and what motivates you guys
+ My four-year-old daughter has a pretend hair-and-nail salon, and I was doing her hair and makeup. I said, "Hello ma'am. What's your name? And what do you do?" And she said, "I get paid to dance at parties." And I said, "Oh, no. That's a terrible, terrible answer."
+ She says she looks like Barack Obama. I think she heard so many people at that time saying I looked like Sarah Palin, I think she was just trying to get in on that. "I look like Barack Obama." Okay. Sure.
+ Twitter seems like a busman's holiday: just more writing. I have no plans to do it. I'll just stick with my 24/7 webcam. I'm old-fashioned that way.
+ Plots we would not do on 30 Rock? Let me put the Internet at ease: Liz and Jack will never be together. Not even if we go fifteen seasons. Okay, if we get to season fifteen, they'll do it.
+ I think my level of fame will drop back down. I think it'll recede. In fact, I know it will. That's life on planet earth. And I'm okay with that. Besides getting tables at restaurants and special treatment at the airport, what else is there?
+ What goes into a Sarah Palin impression? For me, it was a wig. And gluing down my ears. When I wear that half-up hairdo, my ears stick out. Also overdrawing my lips to make it look like I have bigger lips. Then there's the Minnesooota Fargo kind of accent. Ya know? And the o's, and the that, and all that. And smiling when you talk.
+ I feel that if I do it again, people will be like, 'Oh, wait a minute. That's terrible! You never really could do it, could you?'
+ I've got to write that book. I've had very little time to work on it. It will be hopefully humorous essays. Not about my neck. It's actually mostly about how I feel about Nora Ephron's neck. And I feel great about it. I want her to feel better about it. It's better than mine.
+ What I've come to realize is that when people say, 'The thinking man's whatever' — there's no such thing. The thinking man also wants to fuck Megan Fox.
+ My parents are going to be like, 'Why did you curse that much in that Esquire article?'

More of Tina's wisdom (and Tina gone wild) in the new issue.